"A Pelican Walks into a Publix" and "The Pink Gelatin Trick"

‘Where shopping is a pleasure’ —Publix’s advertising slogan It’s not a joke; there’s no punchline. She’s a female, not as large as a male, her bill, not as long. She is puzzled when referred to as a ‘he’— someone is filming. She turns around amidst the stacked-up BOGO cartons of soda, turns around amidst the shoppers’ legs, walks in a carousel fashion near the three automatic doors, opening views of the store and two different sides of the parking lot; those doors opening and closing, trapping her, a whirl of uncertainty. She chirps at a cart full of groceries that wheels out one door. Her wings lift slightly in confusion; she turns around, forgetting how or why she waddled into Publix, an air-conditioned adventure that has onlookers laughing and cooing aww, as one man shoos her out, threatens her by swinging a plastic bag, as if it was his pleasure.

after Susan Harbison’s watercolor, Dazed and Confused Kelly Clarkson lost all that weight and Dr. Oz says he will reveal the recipe that Hollywood is buzzing about, the very gelatin trick that he gave to Kelly. I’ve been heavy all my life; the BMI scale puts me at obese. I’ve tried it all: counting calories, the grapefruit diet, cardio, intermittent fasting, full on fasting— I lose, but I gain it all back and then some each time – I watch the 30-minute video with AI Dr. Oz and AI Kelly Clarkson and even AI Oprah Winfrey. I watch the 30-minute video to get the seven second Pink Gelatin recipe made from things that I may already have in my pantry. I dare not click out of the video for fear that big Pharma will take it down, but instead, I am duped with an expensive flower pill for sale, that has all the ingredients sourced with integrity and in the maximum combination to lose 10,15, 25 pounds by bikini season—But you promised Dr. Oz to give me the recipe? Better than the Ozempic®, Wegovy® and Zepbound® injections, no side effects from the GLP-1 pills or patches, better than Serena Williams’ Ro. I buy these ingredients, Strawberry Jell-O, green tea, ginger, turmeric and pink salt. I blend to make my own homemade Mounjaro®, refrigerate in an ice cube tray. I take two cubes before bed, and in the morning, I am 2 pounds lighter. The next day, another 2. One morning a week later, I’ve lost weight, but instead of the Ozempic® face side effect, I have Kaleidoscope face, as if I’ve swallowed a kaleidoscope, mostly blue, with patches of pink, purple, brown, green, red and yellow. I can only see out of one eye; I’m dazed, confused, and have brain fog. I throw the rest of the pink gelatin in the trash.